Sharing the Magic

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.

– Antoine de Saint-Exupery

There is a particular relationship skill I’ve always wondered at.

I’ve called it, before, “Sharing the Magic”, for lack of a better term: a couple’s ability to actually enjoy each other’s company while focused on something else. The ability to share and enjoy *things* together, to share happiness together, as opposed to just gazing at each other all day.

This is to some degree an abbreviated version of my relationship history.

This would be my first boyfriend.

This would be someone else, some time later.

This would be my most recent relationship:

I thought for a long time there was something wrong with me. That maybe I’m selfish in wandering off so quickly to see every new shiny thing. One ex once said, “You’re so CURIOUS…” and he actually meant this as a bad thing.

What I finally came to, is that I’m okay with myself the way I am. I like being who I am.

I’m free to wander off to look at the stars, check out wandering street musicians, and look at the flowers. If I’m by myself, I can still “share the magic”. I can take pictures of things I see and post them and share them with my friends. I can tell people about things I’ve seen, draw things I see, or take pictures.

I am free to be myself and to be happy.

Maybe some day someone else will come along, but if they do, I’d like them to happy, too, and be happy with me.

I have one last drawing I wanted to do, but instead of draw it, I’ll tell you what it was: two people – not looking *at each other*, but at the road ahead. Taking turns showing each other things. One pulls one off in one direction, then another pulls another off.

I think from afar, it would look like they were dancing.

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5 thoughts on “Sharing the Magic

  1. Too right. Checkin’ out the world without always having to be checkin’ out each other. Heh!

  2. Baron Waste says:

    Don’t take this the wrong way – I like you, and for good reason. But –

    I do see what you’re saying. BUT, I’m also seeing what #3 is saying also, in those very examples: Who you’re with appears to be irrelevant – you barely notice them. They don’t matter to you. What matters are the constellations, the music, the flowers. Your companions can be – and indeed are, as we see – fungible, interchangeable. They are sounding boards, people-to-share-things-with. Their motivations, their opinions, their preferences, their viewpoints are simply irrelevant – ignored. Eventually we see you standing by yourself, and obviously feeling no lack. “’Lack’ of what?” you ask.

    I’m NOT saying that’s how you always are. But your illustration showed more of the process than you realize. Nowhere do we see you saying, “You matter to me.” Here again, knowing you as I think I do, I understand that this is something you have difficulty in blurting out, however you might feel it.

    But I do think I understand what #3 is saying: You’re NOT there with her, because SHE is not there. Sure, someone is, someone-to-share-things-with. But SHE isn’t – nor is she missed.

    Just my opinion, for whatever it’s worth.

    p.s. Someone who grokked that about you could fix it: Could, perhaps literally, take your head in his, her, their hands and say, “Look at ME. You are beautiful. I don’t want to dance, I want to walk with you. I don’t care about the flowers – talk to me.

    “Take my hand. Now, here, take the other. LOOK at me. Say my name. … Now, let’s walk for a while.”

    My first date with my last girlfriend – who is still a friend! – consisted of a long walk down a quiet country lane, where we conversed and learned how much we had in common. WE had a wonderful time. Both of us did, together.

  3. As an aside, that quote is very French. One French class I took involved reading, then watching without subtitles, Les Jeux Sont Fait by Jean-Paul Sartre. There’s a scene in the movie where a young couple is out on a date and when they are about to sit at a table, the guy asks “Face to face, or next to me?” and she replies “next to you”. The professor explained that French couples prefer “people watching”, in contrast to American couples preferring “staring into each other’s eyes.”

    • D says:

      That’s so much like me. I tend to see “face to face” as a dessert, not a main course. I want “side by side” to be the dominant mode. Eventually i start to feel bored and restless with the “romance stage” and want to move on to being buddies. It’s sad that in my relationship experiences, my best memories are of long car rides with my best friend and or other platonics, when we were joking around and being light hearted, or discussing something, or just listening to the radio. I think I just do not get “American romance”.

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